It sounds rather simplistic to “Choose happiness,” or “Take charge of your happiness,” but in his book Secrets of Happily Married Women, Scott Haltzman, M.D., suggests we can choose to be happier in our marriages.
To begin with, this means unearthing five marriage myths and explaining why they make it impossible to feel happy in our marriages. These are the five most destructive myths he came across in his practice as a psychologist and marriage therapist. These are particularly true for wives, who initiate two-thirds of U.S. divorces. However, I think husbands may also fall prey to these myths.
Myth 1: Marriage automatically makes you happy.
While it’s true more married people (43 percent) report being happy than unmarried people (24 percent) despite age or gender, marital happiness and personal happiness are separate issues. Dr. Haltzman says married people must put marital happiness first, considering how their actions and desires affect their partner rather than pursing personal happiness as their priority.
“It is an essential truth that sacrificing one’s own needs for someone else’s is a necessary and worthwhile part of human relationships. When that truth is denied in a marriage, the results can be especially destructive; abandoned spouses and children get left behind in the dust of misguided soul-searching for personal fulfillment focused on ego-driven needs,” he says.
Relationships123′s Opinion of this article
Being respectful and giving your partner your best foot forward is important in a relationship, but a marriage can only thrive if both partners share an equal understanding of a “give and take” philosophy. We have evidence for that any partnership that bases it’s foundation on the happiness of the partnership, thrives! Which means before you make a decision, you should consider each other’s happiness, which aligns behind your agreement as a couple and your focus as partners.
For instance, if it’s important for one person to be updated when ever the other is late or delayed, than that is a partnership agreement. You do it, because you are being a partner. Any persons in a relationship that puts their own happiness above the safety and well being of the other is not being a partner.
Keeping the lines of communication open in your partnership is imperative. Let him know if he’s not fulfilling his end of the partnership contract. Or more importantly, if you feel neglected or suppressed, speak up! He can’t read your mind. Don’t approach him with an argumentative or offensive opinion, but share your feelings in a calm and respectful manner, and follow with a suggestion. Don’t assume your partner knows the right way, just because you point out the wrong way.
Bottomline: Put your marriage’s happiness first! You can only do that if you have a solid foundation of communication and understanding, and desire to hear each other, respectfully.
Original article written by Lori Lowe at Marriage Gems.
