I was looking through articles I had written years ago, and I was reminded of a couple that attended our Inspired Relationships weekend workshop years ago. I loved that this couple attended a past workshop to achieve peace and closure in their divorce. Too often people divorce and never know why!
Here’s the story and the surprising outcome:
I got a call from a couple who heard about our workshop, but to my great surprise, they were so angry with each other, I could not understand why they were attending a relationship workshop. Trust me, as a relationships coach I was nervous. I’d never had a couple so resigned.
But their intention was no longer about fixing a broken marriage, instead they had to have a new reason for coming. Once they saw that they could find out how to divorce amicably and discover what patterns to avoid in their future relationships, I knew it was still fitting for them to attend the course.
Below are examples of unhealthy patterns in a relationship that can become insurmountable if left untreated or altered
* She did not have the freedom to ask for what she wants.
* She would keep her feelings bottled up inside because she felt he would not listen.
* Instead of calmly discussing their upsets, their frustration erupted into angry accusations.
* She never let him win a single conversation.
* To avoid her wrath he would just avoid her completely.
* He did not know how to handle her upsets and therefore did nothing.
* He thought his wife was out of control and went to a lawyer instead of working on a solution.
* He was very controlling, which resulted in her being withdrawn and depressed.
* When she asked him to help her, he was clueless about what she really wanted.
Can couple repair a marriage when they are so angry with each other?
Yes! But they both have to come to the table ready to change themselves. Any couple to approaches either coaching, therapy or a workshop to “fix” the other will fail. Because no one wants to be the one to give in and make changes when their partner does not equally take a look at how they contributed to the cause. It’s called ownership. And it’s a power partnership model.
I should tell you that their conversations about each other are never angry or blaming anymore. The men are happy to engage in the practices that will keep their marriage on track. The women are better partners in their husband’s success. They are all using the techniques they learned. They say it’s so much easier. And they are doing well.
Here are some quotes from them:
“Wow. I am still feeling so overflowing with excitement about our future and our partnership. We keep asking each other, ‘do you still feel good?’”
“Denise, I am so grateful that we met you, and that you are in my life. I love my husband again. I feel he really is the man of my dreams.”
“I had no idea how controlling I was. I want my wife to feel loved and safe. I realize now that I would have had the same issues no matter what woman I was with. I thought I came to fix her, but I found out how to be a better husband. I am inspired by providing her with the safety of knowing I really do care.”
“What a wake up call for me. I see now how unconscious I was about how to be a great husband. I just thought if I went to work, and never cheated, that I was ‘above the fray’. Now I can hear my wife, and as a result she feels so loved and we have a stronger relationship. It’s great to have my wife back!
